Archive for October, 2010

our family has grown by two feet

October 1, 2010

I keep telling myself that when things settle down, I’ll be a better ___________. I usually fill that blank space with words like: mom, wife, friend, sister, blogger, photographer, exerciser, or employee. Lately, however, I have come to the conclusion that things will never [ever] settle down so if I keep waiting for that to happen, I’ll never be a better anything!

So in my quest to be a better __________, I have added items to my “To Do” list, closing my eyes and just keeping my fingers crossed. Childish…or genius? Fortunately for me, I am far more forgiving when it comes to not completing my checklist than I was before I got married and then had kids. Heck, I’m lucky, if I remember what’s on the list.

Quick side note regarding completing “To Do” lists: Before I met my husband, I always thought that the list was non-negotiable. However, one of a few times I left a “Honey Do List” for him and left for the weekend, I came back to find that “To Do” lists are in fact, optional. He only did a few things on the list. I thought I just needed to be clearer as to when things needed to be completed, but that also has not appeared to work. We are still working on this…almost seven years later.

Since the last time I wrote, we have two adorable and joyous feet to our household. Aria Duab Ntxoo Yang was born on April 20th weighing in at 7 lbs. and 7 ounces and measuring 19” (though I think they did this incorrectly since by one month she was already 21.5”).

One day I’ll post her birth story, but for now, let’s say, her early days were challenging beyond my imagination only because Roan’s were idyllic. And this time around, we had the undivided assistance of Grandma and Grandpa Vang. I can’t even imagine how difficult it would have been had we not moved closer to family. I never could have imagined, back then just how Aria could have ever become such a good little sleeper as she is today based off of those early weeks nor how happy she has become. She keeps us busy though with her unending skin issues. Let’s just say, we’ve been to the ER four times (to her credit, one time it was for me only) in three months and the urgent care doctor remembers who we are. That’s not even to add in the countless times we’ve been to our own clinic and to Aria’s dermatologist…yes, she has her own specialist at the early age of two months.

Another household move (we are still unpacking) and finally finding a daycare for Aria brings us just about to date.

Roan started aftercare with Discovery Club on Tuesday. He officially starts kindergarten next Monday. I just realized that I have nothing special planned for him. I haven’t even thought about it. In fact, I’m still swimming in half open boxes and can’t find where anything is. I found myself riddled with guilt when I went to the Nate Berkus Show Website and saw that he had tips for starting a tradition for the first day of school. My justification is that I don’t believe Nate (yes…we are on a first name basis) has a child. If he did, he wouldn’t have time to think if tips for the first day, none-the-less, blog about it.

Another thing I find myself riddled with guilt over is how I completely missed the millions of photo opportunities for my beautiful little Aria in her first four months of life, especially the first two weeks. How can I call myself a Mamarazzi? Every time, I see a photograph of a creamy, furry, naked little newborn all contorted up…I find my heart dropping and face shifting into a frown. I can only slightly recall just how my little newborn’s skinny little legs used to form the shape of a heart when I lay her down to change her diaper. Or how her little arms would fall over her little eyes and face after she finished nursing and I lay her on her side.

Back to not living up to my own standards. I am so tired of being so forgetful. In the last three days, I have had to return to my home every single day because I forgot something at home. Since I can’t blame my memory loss from my sleepless nights on having a nursing infant, I’m going to blame it on the overall stress that comes with being a _________. Fill the blank in with one of the words from the first paragraph.

Have I mentioned also how tired I am of being sick? I am not a sick person so this comes really hard on me. I had strep throat twice in one month and now I have another virus that has rendered me tired and cranky.

Another side note: I ignorantly took the penicillin shot the first time around thinking I’d rather have a little shot than take a pill three times a day since my memory sucks. I should have known that it wasn’t a “little” shot when after the doctor asked me which option I wanted, she had a surprised look on her face and a “Oh!” came out of her mouth. Needless to say, I tried the pills the second time around. The sad thing is that I can’t even recall if I ever finished the pills, but I can’t find them anymore, so I must have.

Our new place is very large and a pretty cool home in a fantastic neighborhood. I guess the grass is greener on the other side because now that we are living in the place, I find that I can’t seem to feel comfortable in it. Maybe that will change when we are finally out of boxes and the rooms are functioning as they should be? Or maybe, when I have confirmed for sure that there are no mice  in the place with us—we found quite a bit of mice droppings in the home, but have made no confirmation that living mice are dwelling in the unit as of current.  However, I keep seeing shadows or reflections of little moving things all over the house only to find that it is my imagination, but it freaks me out. I lay awake at night listening for moving little paws. I wash and wash my dishes and I forbid Roan from applying the five second rule to dropped food items. In fact, Blanket (Roan’s lovie), also gets tossed in the wash as soon as he touches the ground also. Luckily, we have an in unit washer and dryer, even if it’s circa 1980.

Good Lord! From reading this post so far, you would think I have been in hell these past months. However, things are far from that. I am grateful and happy every day because I look into the eyes of the most perfect little children that have ever graced this Earth and I know that I have the support and love of the best people I have ever known and am undeserving of being related to or having adopted as family over the years. I also have a wonderful job and a great boss who has been so understanding through it all. It really is time to kick the pregnancy brain and the pity party and start being a better ______ again. This time, I fill that space with two little letters, which I will emphasize in caps: “ME”!

last winter…

October 1, 2010

Sad…I had this post set up to post and never got back to it. It’s from last winter. Winter is almost here again. 😦