Archive for February, 2013

just another reason why having children is good for you

February 26, 2013

Someone recently mentioned to me that Aria bears a resemblance to Harper, Victoria Beckham’s daughter. I showed this photo to Aria and asked her if she thought it looked like her. She said, “Yeah”. She then turned right around and pointed to Victoria and said, “She look like you,” referring to me.

victoria-beckham-2-435This got me thinking. Of course, I bear no resemblance to Posh Spice. I could only dream to think that Choua had any resemblance to David Beckham. All I know is that both of my children still think that we are beautiful. We tell them all of the time how beautiful they are and they do the same in return.

No matter what kind of day I’ve had; at the end of it, these two little people and their genuine love make me feel like I’m on top of the world.

rumspringa-ish marriage

February 14, 2013

DSC_8008 Happy Valentine’s Day Friends!

Choua has been living in Milwaukee for almost six months. He’s working full-time and going to school part-time in hopes of establishing residency in Wisconsin so that he can start the film program in the fall of 2013 with in state tuition. Silly? It actually saves us about 1/3 of the cost of tuition so for three years, that’s over $12K or one year’s tuition.

So this means that it has taken me six months to finally figure out my new normal…and feeling like a semi-responsible adult again. The kids are in bed around 8:30p and I could get into bed by about 11p if I didn’t have so much of a backlog of photography related things that I owe people. My house is about 75% 5S’d (or the layperson, organized) even though I know more projects abound.  I feel like I can finally start giving back vs. consistently being the recipient of the help.

On the subject of being the recipient of help. It was really hard to accept help and it continues to be difficult. However, I have learned that I need to take care of myself as well in order to be a good mom; which is the most important goal of mine, right now. I am so grateful for the support I have and can only hope that one day, I will be able to “repay in full with interest”.

Sure, there is a lot of work left to get back to the life that I envision for myself, but it’s one day at a time.

On the positive side…and there is so much to be positive about: I am falling into a good place with myself at a job I started shortly before Choua relocated, the kids still adore me, I am able to spend ample time with them, we are all healthy, we’ve started going back to church (and it feels so good spiritually), I’m learning to find the silver linings and turn them into diamonds, and my relationship with my husband is more healthy.

I thought that when I was traveling for my job, the distance helped our relationship, but I still remember having more moments of irritation with him than I do now. We’ve learned to be more patient with with one another and to listen to one another. Even though we only Face Time a few times a week, I feel that we communicate more effectively with each other now. We’re more affectionate and flirtatious with one another. One could say, we’ve gained a “vacation marriage”. I think anyone who’s ever been in a long distance relationship understands what I mean by that.

Earlier this week, I was listening to MPR and there was a story about a writer who entered into what he termed a rumspringa from his relationship with his girlfriend of 12 years at the time because they thought it would give them clarity on whether they should get married or not. They started dating at 17 and were 30 when they decided to do this. Neither had ever been with anyone else sexually. Well in the end, they broke up. It kind of scared me since I kind of felt that this would happen to us. I am not naive, I know that many things can go wrong given this situation. I hope, with all of my heart, that we grow in our time away and realize that when we chose each other, it was for life.

Choua has been asking that we consider moving down to Milwaukee with him. I know he means it because he’s been sending me school information for the kids, open job postings in my field and talking to rental companies to manage our current home when we move out. If you know this man, you will know that this is out of character for him. I told him that as much as I would like to have our family in one home together, I really want to establish a normal for our children; which we finally have after almost 4 years and all of Aria’s lifetime. The school system up here is difficult to get into and so I don’t want to pull them out to just try to get them back in again.

Everyday, I ask for help from God. I hope this is the right thing for us and that we make it through stronger. My biggest fear in all of this is that we do grow, but in different directions.  Or that when we do return to living in one household together, we’ll also fall back into our old ways. This includes the kids. I hope that their relationship with their dad is strong and that I don’t do too much damage to them in the meantime. I mean there are definitely challenging days, but they are the best things in my life.DSC_8011